With each loss came a loss of the purpose that was attached to it. Not only did I lose something in the way of a relationship, I lost my own personal purpose regarding it.
When we ask ourselves, 'what is my purpose'? This question can not be answered simply because life is not any less simple than we are.
We have a purpose regarding virtually everything within our day. Each of these purposes, if interrupted can create a feeling of unease. For instance, my morning routine includes getting up pouring a cup of coffee which is already brewed by the coffee pot set for a certain time. Generally this is one of my first purposes of the day. If this coffee pot (due to my consumption it happens that I lose a coffee pot about once a year) does not have my rich, brown, steamy brew ready a ripple begins. The purpose of my morning has been interrupted.
With each loss, I have experienced an interruption in my purpose attached to that choice.
We are programed to have purpose unlike any other animal on the Earth, living without one or feeling unsatisfied by the purposes currently engaging in brings about an unease very difficult to live with. Worse yet is feeling as if any endeavor is doomed to fail. The longer we live without fully dedicating ourselves to a life purpose the worse the affliction becomes.
Every purpose can be accomplished with gusto, passion, dedication or it can be simply accomplished with very little thought. Every purpose is important and how much life it gives back to us is completely dependent upon the thought we give to it. What it gives back is dependent upon our joy received while accomplishing this purpose and when we are fortunate, seeing it to completion. Many purposes however, are perpetual. The joy of accomplishing a perpetual purpose is received by watching it grow, thrive and live independently because of our efforts.
Losing a purpose through any means is difficult. The most learned people have said that it takes us about a year to recover from any one lost purpose and sometimes longer depending upon the particular nature of it. Letting one go from our psyche is not an easy event because without our realizing it, we built a life (sometimes short, sometimes life long) around that purpose. Be easy on yourself if this has happened to you and it matters not what that purpose was, only that it was a purpose for you.
What we decide to do after a loss of purpose will set into motion the next days of our life. Until we mourn that loss and take up a new purpose with passion, gusto and dedication the depression can and probably will continue.
Depression is an ugly internal monster which can become so oppressive as to shroud any purpose we mentally concoct. It will bring about all of our past hurts and eventually we become its slave with no hope, no purpose, no life. I view it as an evil monster of which I can not see but I know it is there as surely as a family member living under my roof.
Purpose will drive out that monster. It will not shut it up but it will drive it out if that purpose is seen to with dedication, passion and gusto. Eventually we will stop and realize that the purpose itself has driven the monster out. We stopped paying attention to it, feeding it, by ignoring its attempt to stop us from pursuing the purpose.
It does not matter if the purpose will be seen or even appreciated by the world. The purpose itself gives us life.
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I have only one enemy and that enemies name is fear.
I needed to read this tonight Sho. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLove you Rea.... hugs
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